oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
