booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
