I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
