Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
