now i know why i became what i already was.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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