Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
