Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
