I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
