I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
