No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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