I think i sorta joined a cult last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
