Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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