Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
