her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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