it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
