You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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