You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
