So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
