She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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