sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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