Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i dont even know how to be here
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
