So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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