I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize