Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
