good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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