your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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