O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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