Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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