roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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