All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
