just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Randomize
