Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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