He asked to "fluff my boner.."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
