Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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