So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
