So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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