I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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