she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
