after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
