just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
