nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My breasts were aching with rage.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
