I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
