just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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