I just cut my nipple shaving
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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