I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
