This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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