Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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