Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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