Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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