i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My balls are so social today.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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