I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
