About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
