How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
