1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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