I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
