I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
