so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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