Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
