Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize