She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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