I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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