Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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