Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
