i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
